just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
