I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize
