So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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