She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
