i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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