I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't deserve a penis
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
