my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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