will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
