i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
