how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
