If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize