mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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