I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
