guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
