no, he came in my armpit
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I need moral support for this bender
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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