I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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