Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize