He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
