R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
