so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
