Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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