My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Are we still banned from the library?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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