Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
