talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
