So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your penis caused this!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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