STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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