She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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