At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
