i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
