So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
