Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
