The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
