i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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