Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
