But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
