xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need to calm my uterus...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
