You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
