We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
