people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
