He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize