we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am one with the molecules
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
