know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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