I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
