just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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