it was like his penis was on wheels.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
