I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
