a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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