Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
