so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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