I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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