yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My first STD was from a foam party
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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