what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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