Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
