this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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