Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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