if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
