i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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