Are we in a gay sports bar?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
