you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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