I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
