Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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