i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
