how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
