how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it was like his penis was on wheels.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
