does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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