You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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