sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
