where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
