You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
