that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
