Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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