it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
